Thursday, July 27, 2006

Toliet Paper and Germanfest

Since I have nothing "blog worthy" to report on as of late, I thought I would borrow a page from my friend Rick and poll the audience so to speak. I have a confession to make. I have always been fond of sitting on the toilet. In fact, it has been a like a second home to me through the years. Ever since I was little, I enjoyed, even looked forward to, sitting on the toilet. Anyway, that is probably too much information, but yesterday while I was on the toilet I got to thinking.

For me, if the toilet paper does not roll out from the top of the roll, I don't feel comfortable. I feel like I am intruding on a foreign land. Pulling the TP from the top feels right to me. I think this is the way the toilet paper roll should come out, but am I wrong? Have I been in the minority of toilet paper users all this time? Please weigh in below.

How Do You Prefer Your Toilet Paper?
Rolled out from on top, please.
No, I prefer my toilet paper rolled out from underneath.
Free polls from

In other news, Germanfest is this weekend, and I hope to make an appearance on Saturday in the sheepshead tent. A bunch of the "creeps" are hell-bent on wining a trophy this year so we are heading down around noon. If you are into sheepshead and like beer, this place is for you. Be there!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

From My Personal Stash

Okay, this one is too good not to share. Here is what happens when a deposition turns into a testosterone-driven-pissing-match Texas style.

I am the guy just off camera who yelled, "fatboy!"

Monday, July 24, 2006

Family Get Together

As I mentioned yesterday, Sunday Jen, Jack and I went down to my Aunt Claire's house for a family get together. It has been awhile since I have seen most of my aunts, uncles, and cousins, so I was excited to see everyone again. It was a blast catching up with my family and seeing how fast everyone is growing up. It seems like only yesterday that I was knee high to an ant, sitting at the "kid table", picking my nose. Time flies!

However, I don't remember getting any swings at a piñata when I was kid. Next year, I get a turn. Here are some pics from the day:

Here is Jack eagerly awaiting the family outing. He was thrilled.

Happily, my grandma was up from Florida and decided to get in a few whacks at the pinata. Barry Bonds beware!

Here is a pic of all the grandchildren and great grandchildren who were in attendance posing with grandma. Although, we have better pictures of this shot, I thought this one was funny because everyone is going blind from staring directly at the sun. (Leah, in particular, doesn't seem happy). [Front row]

My dad finally broke it to Jack that the Packers will suck this year.

Madison Fertility Clinic

Although sexual harassment is no laughing matter, something about this story made me laugh. The picture of these three openly "hostile" and undoubtedly perverted "doctors" running a fertility clinic is hilarious. In fact, the story line could make for a great movie.

Only in Madison.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

More news...

Okay, I cannot surfing for news stories...

Seriously, shouldn't this be in the Onion?


Kerry Quip

After returning from a great day spent with family (I will post pictures manana), I couldn't believe my eyes when I read this:

"If I was president, this wouldn't have happened," said Kerry during a noon stop at Honest John's bar and grill in Detroit's Cass Corridor. (Here is the complete article from Drudge)

He was referring to the violence between Israel and Lebanon!

This has to be the most myopic, self centered, egotistical comment uttered by a politician in a long, long time. Is he serious? Does he genuinely believe that "his presence" as POTUS would really have prevented a war between two Middle Eastern nations? That premise seems absurd to me, given the history of violence in the region.

I figure either one of two things explains Kerry's comment. Either he sincerely believes that being at the center of American politics anoits one world ruler with the power to stop foreign war, OR he reflexively made a brainless comment in his frenzy to "blame Bush."

Let's hope its the latter.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Charter Communications

Well, I apologize again for being incommunicado this last week. Our cable/internet service went out Monday morning, and we just got power restored this afternoon. I will spare you all the dramatics, but it was by far the worst and most infuriating experience I have had with a business. It was shockingly poor customer service, and I cannot wait until we have a choice in cable television service providers. That is what sucks, you have no leverage when you call to complain about something. What do they care if you cancel your service (which they know you won't) because they own a monopoly in and around Madison.

Anyway, it is amazing how much you miss the internet when you don't have access to it. Also, not having television made those 3am-4am Jack feedings a little more difficult. Well, it doesn't seem like I missed too much, besides the frightening and escalating situation in Israel. Scary stuff. Since Jen and I just enjoyed our time with Jack and read a couple books, I don't have much to report. However, I do have some recent pics of Jack to share. Enjoy.

My good friends Dawn and Ed (Joe) stopped over last week to see the little guy. Although, I caught Dawn whispering liberal propaganda into Jack's ear at one point, I don't think any long term damage was done. Thanks for taking time to swing by and thanks for the outfits!

Jack trying desperately to figure out why this mouse keeps moving away from him.


Does anyone remember this guy? I think he was dubbed, "Baghdad Bob" during the invasion. I remember his television conferences, "No, the infidels are not in Baghdad. We are slaughtering them in droves, etc." The funny part was that U.S. television was showing live video of the "Thunder Run" through the streets of Baghdad at that very moment. I kept hoping that some SF or SEAL type would have kicked down the door during one of his broadcasts and handcuffed him.

Ironic that he now turns to one of the great American institutions seeking redress.

Friday, July 14, 2006


Fight the Power!

Winnie the Pooh must frightening. He looks a little scared.

Ad Campaign: Dead Soldiers

Wow, I would love to meet the genius that dreamed up this disgusting ad campaign. Nice work.

My Kind of Obit

Not sure if this is a joke or not, but I would like my obit to be written in the same vein. Thank you.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

My Own Adventure Story

Lately, all my "adventure" reading got me to thinking about one of my own adventures. It was in the fall of 1997. I was a cherry 2LT working at Fort Knox, waiting for my basic course to start. Anyway, my great friend Jody decided that she would drive down from Wisconsin for the weekend. The particulars of the weekend are a little fuzzy, but I do remember that we decided to go to Mammoth Cave National Park for a little cave exploration. It turned about to be a great trip, which I would highly recommend to anyone, but it started off rocky enough.

I had made reservations for us for the the "Wild Cave Tour," which started promptly at 9am. The Wild Cave Tour is the "hardest" tour because you literally crawl your way through the various caverns. Well, for whatever reason, we got a late start and I thought for sure we were going to miss the tour. From Fort Knox to Mammoth cave was about an hour drive and I had the "babeslayer" floored the entire way. Luckily, about half way there we saw a sign that read "Entering Central Time Zone," which meant we just gained an hour on our trip and we would be in time. That was a blessing because but for the time change, we would have missed the tour and lost our money.

Anyway, we were both short on official "spelunker" gear, so we decide to wear basically clothes that would you go exercise in. (e.g. long sleeve t-shirt, warm up pants, running shoes, etc). Bad move. I obviously failed to read the warnings posted when I booked the trip:

• Visitors must have had their 16th birthday;
• An adult must accompany visitors under age 18;
• High-top, over-the-ankle lace-up boots, with lug or deeply treaded soles, are required. No low-cut hiking or athletic shoes allowed.
• Chest or hip measurement should not be more than 42 inches to avoid situations that impact tour for all participants;
• Work or climbing gloves and long pants are recommended - do not overdress;
• Helmets, lights and kneepads provided;

Oops. After we got our tickets, we reported in with our climbing guide. She was an older woman (mid 50s) and her mouth almost hit the ground when she saw us. Like the two crackers we are we said something like "Hi, I am Dave...and I am Jody. We are here to climb through the cave with you." Smile. She immediately asked if we had any other clothes? (Nope). Well, she said, you are both dressed inappropriately, didn't you read the restrictions? (Um, no shot). She asked to see the bottom of our tennis shoes, which were both bald like racing slicks. She really wanted to not less us go on the tour because she was worried we would get hurt. We both promised her we would be okay, and she reluctantly let us come along, but with one condition. We had to climb right behind her the entire route! Like two lost school kids.

The trip itself was awesome. If you are ever in the area, I highly recommend you take some time and do the Wild Cave Tour. There are other walking tours available, but they aren't nearly as fun. Anyway, we finish the tour, and we are both head to toe covered in cave crap. Filthy. As we were walking back to our car, it dawned on both of us. We didn't bring any extra clothes. Oops. Since the babeslayer was just a baby at that point, there was no way we could ride home in our clothes. That would reck the soft pleather like interiodefinitelyintely lower the resale value. We figured the next best option was to peal off all of our clothes and make the trip home in our underwear! On the way home we stopped at Burger King for some grub (thank god for drivethru's). When we pulled up to the window to pay, the 19 year pimpled face employee just looked at us like we were both crazy. Two people, covered in mud, sitting in their underwear and enjthemselvessleves. I am sure he thought there was a dead body in the trunk.

Good times. Thanks, Jody!

So That's What He Thinks of Me

Just a funny picture of Jack right after he got done with a little "tummy time." He looked tired and didn't seem to appreciate me fussing with him so much. I put him on my knees, and he gave me the bird! I swear I didn't position his hand/finger. Nice huh? Kids these days...

Monday, July 10, 2006

Jack Update

Just wanted to let everyone know that Jack is officially a healthy baby boy. Jen and I took him in to see the doctor for his two week check up. Besides a little "gas issue" the little monster is doing great. He weighs a touch over 8 pounds and measures 21 inches in length on a good day.

It is amazing how much an infant can change everyday life. For instance, today it took Jen and I over ten minutes to get ready to leave for the doctor's office (normally it would take thirty seconds). We had to make sure we brought all of Jack's stuff, get him packed into the car seat, grab our medical stuff, etc., I was already tired. Leaving the doctors office was especially eventful. Jack farted a couple times, projectile vomited a bit, and wet his diaper. I missed that part of the contract when I agreed to be his dad!

Anyway, here is a recent photo of the little guy:

Here's Jack trying to climb the mamoth land mass known as Mount Stegall.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Dave's Book Club

Welcome back to Dave's Book Club. This month Dave offers one review and one "must read." Let's get started.

The Review:

Okay, so I decided to read Kafka. Not the most uplifting reading, I'll admit, but I was curious. Here is a brief description from Amazon.

"A terrifying psychological trip into the life of one Joseph K., an ordinary man who wakes up one day to find himself accused of a crime he did not commit, a crime whose nature is never revealed to him. Once arrested, he is released, but must report to court on a regular basis--an event that proves maddening, as nothing is ever resolved. As he grows more uncertain of his fate, his personal life--including work at a bank and his relations with his landlady and a young woman who lives next door--becomes increasingly unpredictable. As K. tries to gain control, he succeeds only in accelerating his own excruciating downward spiral."

That summary, while technically accurate, belies the actual depth to the book. There are several themes running through the book. For example, Kafka posits, implicitly, that humans are controlled by destiny and powerless to overturn our fate. The consequences of destiny, in this instance, did not turn out so well for the protagonist, Joseph K. Additionally, Kafka portrays government as big, clumsy, incompetent and unyielding. In fact, this theme gave birth to the word "Kafkaesque." If you ever tried to get a obtain a driver's license in downtown Chicago, you have experienced a "Kafkaesque" moment.

There are several other important themes, but either you are interested by now or you are not. I will leave the rest of it to those tiny few who decide to read the book. Overall, I thought it was a good read. However, it is one of those books that you really need to "think on" in order to fully appreciate it. I only like to read stuff like that when I am in the right mood, if that makes any sense.

The Must Read

This week, I did something that I have not done in probably twenty years. I checked out a book from a public library! Exciting huh? Actually, it felt pretty good. It is amazing what you can do, and get, with your public library card. I highly recommend it. Anyway, I went there to get Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer. If you are an adventurous soul, or like reading about people with adventurous souls this book is for you.

Here is the excerpt from the front cover:

"In April 1992, a young man from a well-to-do family hitchkiked to Alaska and walked alone into the wilderness north of Mt. McKinley. His name was Christopher Johnson McCandless. He had given $25,000 in saving to charity, abandoned his car and most of his possessions, burned all the cash in his wallet, and invented a new life for himself. Four months later, his decomposed body was found by a moose hunter...."

Powerful stuff. I am only about 50 pages into it, and I cannot put it down (except of course to tend to my "chores" as husband and father). Here is a brief passage from the book that I have been kicking around in my head. It comes from a letter that McCandless wrote to an elderly gentlemen. It was in one of the last letters that he ever wrote.

"The very basic core of a man's spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to be crazy."

I cannot recommend this book, or any other written by Krakauer, highly enough. Do yourself a favor and go to your local library, check it out, and read along.

Italy Wins!

Overall, I thought it was a decent final game. I thought the first half was better than the second half, especially for the Italians. However, I thought Zidane's violent head butt was by far the most interesting aspect of the game. I wonder what Materazzi said that made Zidane react like that? Zidane is a world class player and was riding high moments before "the incident." He certainly knows better than that, at least when he is thinking rationally. It must have been something good...I would love to add it to my "repertoire."

I tried to find out what was said, but no luck. Hopefully, tomorrow someone will be able to shed some light on it. Intriguing.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Funny But True

Jack Update

Sorry for the long delay on updating about Jack. The handsome little peanut is doing just fine. We really couldn't ask for a better son. He is healthy and doesn't fuss too much. As of last week, he weighed a little over seven ounces, and was twenty-one inches tall. So, tall and skinny so far. Not sure where he gets that from yet....

Jen is recovering nicely and enjoying spending so much time with Jack. Thirty plus hours of labor left her exhausted, but she is so strong and doing fine. Being Dad is the coolest thing that has ever happened to me. It is all a big miracle. I enjoy spending time just holding him and watching him sleep. What a joy. The only downer is that my days of sleeping twelve hours are officially over. Boo.

Anyway, time is precious, Jack still hasn't figured out the whole "time" thing and he is about due to wake up. Here are some recent pics:

Here's Jack after his first bath. He wasn't too happy with us.

Jack sportin' the colors on Independence Day!

I think this picture looks like Jack is trying to give himself oxygen. "Holy shit, I cannot believe this guy is my dad."

World Cup Review

Well, if you watched the World Cup this year expecting big things from the U.S., I am sorry. What a dissappointing showing. I will keep my rant brief. First, I think coach Arena does take a lot of the blame. The team seemed flat and lacked chemistry in two of its three games. That tells me the coach wasn't doing enough to "build chemistry" and try different looks (not the god awful 4-5-1, which didn't work the entire tournament) and different personnel. Second, I think our "bigtime" players (e.g. Landon Donovan, Brian McBride, etc) were lacking. Finally, I think the biggest disappointment is that we didn't beat Ghana. After the Czech and Italy games, most people figured that we would only have one point and could get three against Ghana to advance. Those people were right, at least until the Ghana game.

Other than the weak U.S. showing it has been a great World Cup. Germany and Argentina were fantastic. England was a little off, but still fun to watch. Brazil, was well, Brazil, until France. Speaking of the Frenchies, have they really the best team in the world during the last decade? A win Sunday would indicate yes. I have a hard time routing for France, especially against my second favorite Italian team.

Go Italia!

Holy Crap!

Two things. First, I cannot believe I have not updated my blog since 20 JUN. Wow, that is a sure fire way to attract readers. Sorry about that. Second, the funniest show on TV has returned for its fourth season. Be sure to check it out. Third season marathon on Saturday, and the premiere of the new season starts Sunday night.

As always, check your local listings and whatever you do, for Christ's sake, be safe out there.